About Me

I'm just an average person doing what I can.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Dream 12/14/09

It started in my old dorm with a few of my floormates, my current boss and a few people I haven't met. Three of my friends had cats... two of them kittens and the other a full grown cat. I reached out to pet the full grown cat only to have it hiss and scamper away from me. Odd, for a cat. I let it go. We were celebrating something or another.... or maybe just fooling around (my friends, my boss, strangers and I). Anyway, a few of us walked into a next room (I think we were in my friend Kimmie's)... and on pieces of paper were written the names of our group - one name for each paper... which we then taped to the back of each other's heads so that we each didn't know which person we had. I ended up with a stranger I didn't know. You found your person by method of rejection... going from person to person... if the person accepted you, it was their name you had... so you really had two partners... one that had you and one that you had. Anyway, this part was largely unimportant... just an ice breaker to get things rolling.

Then the games began. I know that a hill was involved.. I think we ran down it. We hiked to a place I've never been, a place that doesn't even geographically belong on campus or even near here, to be honest. We'd taken off the pieces of paper at the building. Our first mission was to jump off the dock into the disgusting water below... and swim... and then "climb up". No other instructions. We started around the same time, though I was confused, swim poorly and couldn't see the others. I swam for what seemed like hours and then found stairs where I could climb up. They led to a building. I was confused, but followed the path... there were other people walking up the stairs in the building and I followed them. I went into a classroom. I didn't know if I should.

But the other members of my group were there. I felt late. I sat down. There were numbers and symbols on the blackboard... complex math, I assumed, though I could not understand. Someone flipped on a VHS and we watched. The video showed the careful cutting of what looked to be frozen nitrogen and the careful insertion of it into a metal tube that had been cut just enough for the nitrogen to fit. I didn't understand. At first, I was afraid we would be asked to recreate what was on the video, but we were given pieces of clay instead. There were different colors to choose from, but I chose two. I was going to recreate the device from the video, but I couldn't make my hands form the right shapes. And then I tried to make something else, but again... my dexterity was not enough to create adequate shapes. Everyone else in the class finished and the teacher called time. I set my clay down, only to find that it was a really creative and detailed clown face. With five different colors. The person next to me reached over and pressed into the clown's face... coming up with the eyes, nose and mouth. I whined to the teacher and they said to put the pieces back. The person put it back... but funny... like a Picasso painting.

When that class was over, we moved downstairs and attended a lecture. Two lectures, really. There were two classrooms. One was very large and housed most of the student body in attendance, the other was a room with 10 - 20 scientists and professors. In the student room, they had the actual guest while the teachers only had a TV with a broadcast of the students' lecture. I went to the student one for a while and then gave it up for the one next door. The lecturer was James T. Kirk and he was talking about the benefits of space travel and all that he has encountered. The students were there to absorb information. The scientists/professors were there to debunk him. At the end of the lecture, someone passed out papers to the professors/scientists that they had apparently written within the first few weeks of school. They gave one to me and one of the others protested, saying it wasn't mine. I nodded. They asked what I was doing in the class. I couldn't answer. They took the paper from me.

And then I went back down to the water... to go home... and htne I woke up.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Ah.... Hmm.... Dream Again

Have you ever had a dream that was SO messed up, you wanted to remember it? A dream that even while you're dreaming it, you are already thinking up ways to remember pieces so when you wake it is not so jumbled as most of all your other dreams?

Well I had... such a dream.

If this sounds/reads jumbled.... I probably dreamed it that way.... or forgot something...... *shrug*

Part One:

I was at a castle/school. I was in the middle of junior year... 11th grade. I was at the bus loading zone... thing. There were little kids with me who were running around in all directions. I tried to help them. I saw a door open on the side of the school and heard voices coming from there, so went in to try to get the kids out. As soon as I entered the room, the door shut and locked. And there were no kids.... I was stuck in there for the rest of the school year... they found me in summer. (Don't ask how, bleh.)


I'm starting school.... going to go into senior year. Only BECAUSE I have missed junior year important classes, my schedule is changed. I now have ENUMCLAW HISTORY (I was like... WTF?!!) TWICE!.... French... and *shudder* lower level English for Juniors. AND I would have to be a super senior to complete senior coursework.

Well.. actually, that's wayyyyyy easier than what happened....

I took bus to castle/school. Upon getting off the bus, I realized I had no updated schedule. I went to the office lady.... passed by the room, no one was there, came back, they'd come from upstairs... so I went in. And she was MEAN! She gave me the list of classes I needed to take. I argued that I wouldn't need Enumclaw history.... she yelled at me and said I did..... She gave me a key thing (as she had given me the classes, but not where). So I stood, hunched over the desk, trying to figure out what class was where from the paper she gave me... and the paper was set up EXACTLY LIKE BATTLESHIP!!!!! (probably why I woke up and wanted to play it... hmm). When I was finished, she came back and yelled at me. I zapped her with magic I didn't know I had (Durrrr, I wouldn't have wasted time with the schedule if I could have zapped her earlier), she fell into a comma. I realized she had a little kid class (nursery school?) she was supposed to be teaching.. so I subbed. The kids were happy because I was treating them nicely and allowed them to play games and stuff.

Kid: Where's our real teacher?
Me: She's in a comma.
Kid (asking other lady helping in the room): Where's the teacher?
Her: She's out getting coffee.
Kid: Best decision she EVER made.

End Dream.

.......... weird or what?

Loves and hugs always and forever,


Monday, April 24, 2006

Okay.... two nights in a row of dreams.. you know what that means....

..... I'm going to blog. Yes, blog. Saturday night, I dreamt that I was watching investigators watching a serial killer in the interrogation room. I dreamt that they were repulsed because he was genuinely and really obviously (by looking at him) guilty but that he wasn't saying anything they could use against them. I dreamed that when they took it to trial, the defense played the tape. And because there was no proof on it, the jury were undecided and the man went free.

I dreamt that two detectives who worked on the case were in an apartment together that neither of them knew very well. One of them had to fly down to Mexico to sign divorce papers with his wife but he would be back. They were working on trying to figure out the reason for the MO of the killer. Stabbing and then a shot through the foot with a pistol. Why?

The detective leaves for Mexico and the other is left alone in the apartment. He drifts off to sleep to awake with the wind blowing at his face from the slightly open door. He asks loudly if his partner is back from Mexico so soon. And before he can get to his gun, a hand emerges from his peripheral vision and stabs across is chest, cutting deep. He stumbles from the blow and falls. The stabbing continues. As he nears death, his feet twitch. And his foot is shot. And he dies.

Fun dream, huh?

Anyway..... ever had a dream where you can't remember pictures from the dream, only words describing it? Last night I woke up and could only remember this: running, hunting, hunted.


I have this one friend who I love dearly. But she has mood swings and makes some poor choices and believes that she's things she's not. Today, she grinned at me and told me she FINALLY figured out what disease she had!!!!! When I didn't seem enthused, she pouted until I told her I was stressed out by other stuff. And then she grinned again and said, "I'm a sociopath!!!"..... yeah, hunny.... no. Nice try... but no. *sigh* Crazy. But I haven't the heart to tell her.



Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The Lost Parade

Sorry for the title... that's the song I'm listening to. Yeah... I, Synthesist is the bomb (as in awesomely awesome/tubular I love them.... not they have weapons of mass destruction - so don't get all excited, dear US government officials).

Okay, first item of business.

For the past few weeks, I have been out of my first semester classes (sadness!!!).

Now I have:

Honors English

Which is sad. No creative outlet classes. Just boredom. -.- I'm saddened. I miss drama :'(

Had a dream last night of taking an English test.... I was supposed to write a synopsis of Of Mice and Men.... and at the end of the 85 minutes, all I had done was half of the title. And it wasn't Of Mice and Men. I wrote "Everybody Counts" on my paper and the title was "Doubt Counts" What do you suppose my subconscious is trying to tell me?

And Saturday night (the power having been out since Friday morning), I had a dream and ended up talking to my mum in my sleep. She says it went a little something like this:

"I can't! I can't!"
"It's okay, honey, it's okay if you can't."
"Does this mean you won't blind me?"

What the HELL is up with my subconscious?! I think it needs serious treatment.

OH! And I have a monologue that I have to do in front of my English class on Monday!!!! Only... I was ready to do it Friday... and was supposed to do it Friday. So my nerves are shit! I guess it doesn't help that I ended up bawling (and I mean bawling) in class on Friday because I found out I wasn't going to get to go. The only problem with shutting off all your feelings... when they finally burst through, you have waterfalls. And people noticed!! I can't just forget! I'll be weak around those people for as long as I know them! That just pisses me off -.-

Anyway..... toodles.


Saturday, January 07, 2006

Bothersome Dream

Okay, okay... no more joking around. Here's my bothersome thing for today:

Last night, I had this dream...

I was a psychologist, I had my Ph. D. and everything and I was consulting with a patient. I don't remember exactly what I told her, but I know that I was helping her with a problem she had at home. Something that was making her sad all the time, something that seemed to take away her light. Something that deprived her of sleep and made her wish that she was robbed of life.

So I gave her advice.

And then she took it.

And then she killed herself.

So I failed at what I was supposed to do. I failed at helping this poor troubled girl that reminded me so much of myself that I refused to become attached. And so because I acted indifferently and gave my advice with no real emotion behind it, with no empathy, with no feeling.... she died. She died because of me.

And I knew then that I would never succeed at what I am set to become.

And I had this sneaking suspicion that maybe... just maybe... I have once again chosen that topic or task that is too far beyond my comprehension and skill. And once again, I have set myself up to fail. And I thought that maybe... just maybe.... every decision I have made in my life has set myself up for this, that everything I have done has led to one last failure. Every decision only spiraling me down toward one final point in time when things get to be too much too soon and my sanity no longer roots me to reality.


I hope not.


Wednesday, November 23, 2005

You know me....

..... if I have a dream and remember it, I must share.

Last night, I had a kind of weird dream (okay... more than kind of, truthfully). I was sitting on one couch and my mother was sitting on the one next to me. And I looked down and there was a flea hospital. So I'm staring at these fleas working together to help one another when one looks at me and hands me a tub of tiny-sized butter. The label? Life or Death. Don't ask me... I don't know. So I'm chasing these buggers with the tub of butter in the attempt that they swim in it and get better (again... don't ask). Because I knew that the butter would make the fleas better after the emergency surgeries the surgeons were preforming. ..... okay, I do realize that it sounds a little weirder outside of my head than it did inside my head....

And while I'm chasing one of these little fellas, it hops into my mum's ear. And my mum's like, "Cut it out!" And I'm like.... "But... there are flea doctors!!!"

And in this dream, I wanted to be a doctor..... uh... I have no idearrrr...


Sunday, September 04, 2005

I remembered a dream! And had to share!

HEHEHE... first rememberable dream in MONTHS, people! Congratulate me!

There were three of us, my brothers and I. Derrik was the first-born, I the second and Max the last. Derrik and I somehow escaped with no debilitating birth defects. But Max, bless his soul, didn't. His speech was slurred and the doctors were always forecasting his death in months. So on his fifth birthday, after much begging, we got him a puppy. At the pound (where we got the puppy), our mother told Max that he would get a new animal every year. This pleased Max and me because it was a reward for surviving another year. Derrik, however, was not so altruistic.

Derrik caught the security man off-guard and took his gun. He pointed it at the free of us and his fingers slowly itched to the trigger. Derrik, at seventeen, was a 6'2 heavily muscled boy who used to spend long hours at the shooting range. Not a one of us doubted his ability to let off a round and kill us all. As a torrent of memories past flooded my mind, I wondered if this was the ultimate purpose for all those days at the shooting range. If all of that training was honed in preparation for this event. Maybe my older brother had not escaped without a handicap. Maybe the doctors just hadn't caught on because the disability was in his brain and not in his body.

"You never gave me a puppy," my older brother boomed, his fingers still firm on the trigger.
"Derik.. you never asked for one!" my mother pleaded.

And so it went that my brother would shout an accusation and my mother would try to refute it and appease him. I guess that all of her silent pleading worked in the end because he dropped his arm to his side. He walked away from us and wasn't seen again that day.


Later, when I was looking for my lost brother, I found him sitting on a pillar next to a store waiting for me.

"Hi, sis."
"Hi, bro."
"Heyyyy... listen," he said, "I have a little favor to ask you."
"Hmmm... what's the favor?"
Derik dashed forward and stuck a cell phone in my pocket. I knew full well that my brother didn't own a cell phone. So I knew he had stolen it from some place.
"Just remember Lighsoms." And then he was off, like a ghost, unheard and unseen by anyone but me.


I needed the police, I knew. Unless you knew the owners, it was near-impossible to find them by simple guess and check. So I went inside the nearest store (which happened to be a games store... go figure!) and tried to find a man on security detail. I only seceeded in waving down a man who worked the counter (similar shirt, damnit, I was confused!). Having no luck there, I ran out into the parking lot (and I DID run because one of the guys in the store was laughing about I must have had somewhere I needed to go fast) and started waving down random people. And the first woman who stopped was on her way to her car (not in it yet). I told her my story and she shook her head as to say, 'Sorry, I can't help you' but then she caught sight of my hands. Which were bluish. And she grabbed me by the arm and said that we had to go to the hospital, but then she'd help me out.


And that - tada - was the end of my dream. Isn't that just fantabulous? Yessss... first dream in months and I have a sociopathic older brother, a disabled younger brother and I, myself, have the bluish-tinted skin of the dead. Maybe I am dead? Maybe I dreamed that he simply walked away? Maybe he actually shot all of us and I simply did not look back and check? Perhaps that is why he did not come home that night? Perhaps I am not human in this dream. Perhaps I am other and the gunshot killed my body, yes, but not my spirit's control of it. Perhaps I am somewhat of a vampire and am dead while still holding earthly form. Perhaps, perhaps, maybe.

Welll... I'll update you later (if I can) if there is anything of interest that happens to me later. Until then... ciao!

Your friend (err.. hopefully?),