Life....

So. I'm a totally and completely different person than I was upon my last post. And by that, I mean that I'm not the wimpering little girl I used to be, scared at the slightest movement of a hand in my general direction... scared to be hurt, scared to be let down. I'm now (finally) my own person.

The cause of this was pretty simple:

February of the year I turned 18 (this year... er... well, this February past).... I got really tired of being a virgin. I've always been sick of it.. not wanting to be, wanting to experience what it was like to share something with a member of the opposite sex. I'd never even kissed someone up to that point. So I talked to a person online that lived on campus and arranged to meet him somewhere to walk back to his place. And we kissed.. and we had sex... and he walked me home. And we did this two or three times (or more, I can't remember) before I grew tired of knowing that he didn't care about me in the slightest... that I was just a passing phase. He was a virgin too... it was a new experience for both of us.

Then, a few weeks later, I met another guy online that lived near me.... so we met up... and talked... and had sex... and cuddled... and spent the night together.. and slept together... and he was my boy. And I thought he was mine. I loved him and he said he loved me. We had meals together... we walked to classes together... we held hands... we kissed. And he was always kind of on me about my weight, but it didn't really bother me.... and then he dumped me one morning. And then I had a horrible day. And then he got back with me that night. And we spent the night together at my room. And then he broke up with me again through a text message while I was at church of all places. And my heart was broken.. and I was angry for the first time in my life. We were together for about a week.

Then, about a week or so later, I met another guy online that lived kind of close to me... and he picked me up and took me to his apartment and we cuddled and talked and had sex. A lot. And kept having sex. A lot. And he cooked for me. And he was nice to me. And he loved me. But I didn't love him. He didn't have the same goals as I did (a problem I didn't have with the other two because they had been students also). So after a month and a half, I broke it off. It hurt me to do it because I liked him. But when I called him afterward, he spoke with no emotion and it hurt less. It was like it was just a play for him also.. an act. *shrug*

And then, finally, a guy I had liked and known since Freshman year of highschool came to spend a week with me... thinking that we would hit it off because we were such good friends. We didn't. We had sex, sure. But we didn't really click.

And now I'm to the point where I think I'm okay with the way I am. I'm okay being alone and fat and happy. I'm okay with being me. And although what I did (having four partners in the space of about four months) seems like a slutty thing to do... I don't believe it was because I felt for every person I had sex with. We were strangers when we started... but we weren't when we ended (except the first time). So these people that judge me because they believe me to be dirty and a slut... sod them. They don't know me. I'm just STARTING to know myself.

Loves and hugs,

Amy

PS: As far as life right now... I'm working full time this summer... at the Marion Ownbey Herbarium, doing data entry.

I'm a college student... what happened?

I was looking back at the first blog posts I did here and realized that I started this whole scary thing the summer before my junior year. Since I haven't posted since December, I thought I would update whoever's listening/reading with what's going on in my life nowadays.

I live in Perham Hall in Washington State University. I am going to major in psychology because I love it and because I feel I can pay my debt to society. So I wil become a psychologist and help all the people that I can help before I start fertilizing grass :)

Can't think of anything much right now..... my classes are Biology 106 (whose homework is mostly to read the book, which I detest doing and still haven't brought myself to do yet), English 101 (which focuses on pop culture for some reason), Latin 101 (which is one of the best classes ever - and four credits!!!) and GenEd 110 (which is Rocks to Renessaisance of World Civilizations :P Fun stuff). :)

Loves,

~Amy

Remember When....

A post was a daily thing and not this monthly addition it seems to be as of late? I apologize from my heart entire. I could blame all on my senior project, my workload, my schoolwork, but to do so would mean casting my soul to the very pits of hell! - lying, as if to scorn the beliefs of my community, my family, my own breath and being. Oh, if I could only charge my soul to commit such a felony to myself and my own. If only, by some wicked plight, I could lay these excuses at your feet and entreat to you - beg for your mercy and perhaps, by some chance, win your affection and pity. But I can not, so I will not.

I love thee like I loved thee once before and ever so in between. If our time together hath been estretched, I beg thee to not judge harshly against me as 'twere not all at my expense that I was estranged so long from your side.

And I forgot what I was going to say, so talk again later/soon :)

Forget Me Not!

Classes this semester:

AP Psych
Chamber Choir A
CWI (Current World Issues)
AP English

Second semester:

AP Psych
Chamber Choir B
Library Aide
AP English

Yeah.... I don't move around much. LOTS of work. Working on senior project RIGHT NOW. Rough draft due this Thursday, real thing due the 17th..... SO! No procrastination!

Loves,

Amy

PS:

orry
So
hort

There is Nothing More I Can Think Of.... To Say... To You

.... so I'll update my Tickle-test-up-to-date-ness.

What Makes You Amazing?

Ailema, your Sweet Spirit makes you amazing.

---

Got that right. Apparently because people vent to me and because I have a 'good heart' and stuff.... I'm sweet. LOL. Sweet like poisonous caaaaaaaaaaaandy!

What Do Your Eyes Reveal?

Ailema, your eyes say you're naturally stunning.

---

Gee, thanks eyes. You shouldn't have. I think you're pretty naturally stunning too :) You're my fav. :)

Is It Time to Change Your Haircolor?

Ailema, you're ready to find a classic coif.

---

You know.... I hate to disagree with you... but I love my hair. Now. I didn't use to. But now I do. You know... because natural highlights are the bomb... and everything. And my hair's like... goldish :)

Palm Reading Test - What Does Your Future Hold?

Ailema, your palm reveals you are especially good at Living each day to its fullest

Our psychologists were able to confirm what palmists have known for centuries: the lines in your palm reveal many things about you — including details about your future.Your palm shows your overall outlook on life is positive. Hand analysts believe that the way you use your hands directly affects your relationship to the world; in your case this shows you tend to move easily through life.

---

Haha. Got that right. I must not work hard 'cause I don't have very many lines on me hand!


Are You A Healthy Eater?

When You Eat

There are three components to healthy eating: when, what, and how. You seem to have a slight problem with "when" you eat your food. This could indicate that you do not eat on a regular schedule or are not consistent with how much you eat at one sitting. This can be problematic because your body probably doesn't know when you will be eating and when it should start metabolizing what you put in it. This can lead to a slow or inefficient metabolism, which means your body may not be efficiently using the food you are giving it. The best thing to do is to get on a regular schedule of eating and to spread out the food you eat over the day.

What You Eat

The second component to healthy eating is "what", and you seem to have some problems and inconsistency in this area. What you put in your body will determine how efficiently it gets you through your days. You probably eat healthy food sometimes and not-so-healthy food at other times. If you are not eating the kinds of food that are good for you and that your body needs, you might be at risk of developing health problems, or at the least, being worn out and having a body that is working inefficiently. You need to be a bit more aware of what is good for you and what isn't and start taking better care of your body. But remember that change takes time, so don't try to change all of your patterns and habits at once. Do it at a pace that will result in permanent change. Eliminating one bad habit for the rest of your life is better than eliminating a lot of them for a few days before you give up and take them all up again!

How You Eat

The third component of healthy eating is "how" you eat. This refers to your intake habits - how much you eat at a time. You seem to have some minor problems in this area! This probably means that you sometimes skip meals, eat one big meal a day, and eat quickly. These are all habits that are unhealthy and do not benefit your body. You need to learn to space out your eating throughout the day, eat regularly, and slow down when you are eating! That is the only way your body can efficiently deal with the fuel you are giving it. So, although you are doing the right thing some of the time, you need to learn to do it all of the time.

---

Yeah, yeah, eat healthy, blah blah blah. Oh well. It's all good :P

How Do You Indulge Your Senses?

Ailema, you love to indulge in a Romantic Rendezvous

Long walks on the beach and candlelit dinners are great, but a true romantic like you knows how to find love in the little, everyday things. A hand-written note slipped into a jacket, a surprise picnic at lunch — these fun indulgences are how you spoil yourself and those you adore.And your caring personality isn't just for the object of your affection. Thoughtful and kind, you're the friend people come to when they need a sympathetic ear or a compassionate word. Putting others before yourself comes naturally to a sweetheart like you. Your optimism and love of life means you'll always find your happy ending. And that's no fairy tale.

---

Yup. I'm such a romantic sucker, I buy into that stuff. :) But you all love me anyway, don't you? Please?

Where Does Your Inner Compass Point?

Ailema, your best adventures are unexpected endeavors.

---

Yeah... that sounds JUST like me. I love people. Not THAT way. In the totally innocent people-watching-not-stalking way. I love being near people. They're fun to interpret and get to know.

What's Your Morning Personality?

Ailema, in the morning, you're Up and At 'Em

When the sun rises and the alarm goes off, we wouldn't be surprised if you're up, showered, dressed, and ready to face the day. Motivated and hardworking, you're probably on the go from the minute you wake up until the moment you drift off to sleep.There's something particularly satisfying about getting a jumpstart on a to-do list while the rest of the world is still in bed. And if it's true what they say about the early bird getting the worm, your attitude is sure to pay off in the long run. After all, why count sheep when there are so many things to get done?

---

Yes.... I fear being late for anything. I love being early, it makes me feel free. Don't ask. I'm just messed up like that. :D And I'm a morning person. One of the very few genuine morning AND people-person people. Did that make sense? No? I didn't think so. IIII knew what I meant.

What Makes Your Mouth Water?

Ailema, taking the scenic route makes your mouth water.

---

Well.... I love exploring and being in new places. So I won't argue with THAT analysis. LOL.

Is Work Wearing You Out?

Ailema, you're 77% satisfied with your job.

That means you're happier than others in your position. Above all, you think it's important to work with people you connect with and enjoy spending time with so they can be an integral part of your social life. And, more than other things, you feel you have this in your job.

---

Yup... working as editor to the Gothic Revue sure is a fulfilling job. I love it and it allows me to multi-task a lot. I love it. If you had MY comfy job, you'd love it too :D

Are You An Optimist or A Pessimist?

Congratulations! You're the eternal optimist, a regular "Sunshine Day" of a person. When it rains, you think about how good the water is for the flowers and trees rather than how wet you're getting. More likely to trust someone than not, you always see the good in people. Sure, that opens you up for a few let-downs, but that's okay — your great attitude will help you deal with them if and when they come. In the long run, it doesn't really matter at all; everything's going to be all right! You like meeting new people and thoroughly enjoy their companionship. In a nutshell, you just don't dwell on small failures — you learn from your mistakes and do your best to make everyone around you happy to be alive. Keep it up!

---

Told you guys that I looked for the best in everything :D

Loves and cuddles,

~Lema

Ah.... Hmm.... Dream Again

Have you ever had a dream that was SO messed up, you wanted to remember it? A dream that even while you're dreaming it, you are already thinking up ways to remember pieces so when you wake it is not so jumbled as most of all your other dreams?

Well I had... such a dream.

If this sounds/reads jumbled.... I probably dreamed it that way.... or forgot something...... *shrug*


Part One:

I was at a castle/school. I was in the middle of junior year... 11th grade. I was at the bus loading zone... thing. There were little kids with me who were running around in all directions. I tried to help them. I saw a door open on the side of the school and heard voices coming from there, so went in to try to get the kids out. As soon as I entered the room, the door shut and locked. And there were no kids.... I was stuck in there for the rest of the school year... they found me in summer. (Don't ask how, bleh.)

LATER!!!!:

I'm starting school.... going to go into senior year. Only BECAUSE I have missed junior year important classes, my schedule is changed. I now have ENUMCLAW HISTORY (I was like... WTF?!!) TWICE!.... French... and *shudder* lower level English for Juniors. AND I would have to be a super senior to complete senior coursework.

Well.. actually, that's wayyyyyy easier than what happened....

I took bus to castle/school. Upon getting off the bus, I realized I had no updated schedule. I went to the office lady.... passed by the room, no one was there, came back, they'd come from upstairs... so I went in. And she was MEAN! She gave me the list of classes I needed to take. I argued that I wouldn't need Enumclaw history.... she yelled at me and said I did..... She gave me a key thing (as she had given me the classes, but not where). So I stood, hunched over the desk, trying to figure out what class was where from the paper she gave me... and the paper was set up EXACTLY LIKE BATTLESHIP!!!!! (probably why I woke up and wanted to play it... hmm). When I was finished, she came back and yelled at me. I zapped her with magic I didn't know I had (Durrrr, I wouldn't have wasted time with the schedule if I could have zapped her earlier), she fell into a comma. I realized she had a little kid class (nursery school?) she was supposed to be teaching.. so I subbed. The kids were happy because I was treating them nicely and allowed them to play games and stuff.

Kid: Where's our real teacher?
Me: She's in a comma.
Kid (asking other lady helping in the room): Where's the teacher?
Her: She's out getting coffee.
Kid: Best decision she EVER made.

End Dream.

.......... weird or what?

Loves and hugs always and forever,

~Lema

Well..... How Can I Say This... OOPS?!

Well..... I guess I was GOING to show you my cat pre-editing.. but I forgot. I'm sorry. Mea culpa. Forgive me. It's not like you were reading what I was writing anyway. SHEESH! What did I tell you about EXPECTING things from me?! Oh.. I didn't? Um.... well... don't! HAHA!

Classes for '06 - '07 (Graduation year):

1st Semester:

AP Psychology
Chamber Choir A
Current World Issues
AP English

2nd Semester:

AP Psychology
Chamber Choir B
Mixed Media
AP English

Anyone notice that only one of my classes changes? LOL. OH well... current world issues is going to suck. I think. Maybe. Depends on the teacher. I still have to figure out senior project stuff... but all's fair in love and school... I guess..

I WENT DRIVING TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL. I drove around the neighborhood about a bazillion times! Practicing the art of the right hand turn. Which I haven't YET mastered... but will..... OH I WILL! :) I'm having SLIGHT problems with hand-over-hand (i.e.: I shouldn't use it but do - baaaaaaaaaaaaad me). It's all cool - SHWEET! lol. I love it. Driving is fun if you're in the ZONE, yo! :P

~Lema

PS: Yes, I'm driving legally.... SHEESH! Oh... and my birthday's on the 14th, so wish me happy birthday lol.